13 years ago, I was diagnosed with Her2 positive breast cancer a couple of weeks after my 38th birthday. I had no family history of breast cancer and was in the best shape of my life. I had a breast exam 2 months prior which didn’t detect anything abnormal, and I was told that I wouldn’t need a mammogram for another 2 years. I found the lump by accident and went for a mammogram and sonogram where they detected cancer immediately. Within 3 weeks I was scheduled for a double mastectomy. Following that, I had 16 rounds of chemotherapy, 25 rounds of radiation and an additional 52 weeks going to the hospital for an IV drug called Herceptin. Had I not found that lump, I would not be here today.
At that time, my sons John and Luke were ages 10 and 7, respectively. I was never afraid of cancer, but I was afraid of my sons growing up without me. All I asked God was to help me watch my 10- and 7-year-olds become 20 and 17 and that prayer was answered, and they are now 23 and 20!
There are so many things I’ve learned throughout my past 13 years. Some may not sound profound or even motivating but are just the truth. I learned that:
Surviving is first and foremost. To survive, you need to surround yourself with the right team of people that you know have your best interest at heart. That goes for your medical team as well as your friends and family. You must stay focused and be positive – there is zero time for crying or negativity! You can have pity parties here and there but then need to quickly get over it!
The term “don’t sweat the small stuff” is fine while you are battling but at the end of it all, you still need to raise kids, pay the bills and deal with life. Life does go on during your battle and you have to be ready to adjust and pivot for the “regular stuff” in your life that each day brings.
I mentioned that surviving is first and foremost, but most don’t realize what a heartbreak having a double mastectomy is for a woman. I was always so grateful to be alive, but I still looked in the mirror every day and couldn’t believe I lost my breasts. I remember crying when I knew I was going to lose my hair, but my hair grew back as beautiful as it was before. The scars on my breasts were still there, so I can say that surrounding yourself with an outstanding group of professionals like the ones I found at NYPSG is key. Dr. Addona and his amazing team have really helped me complete this very long journey and for the first time in 13 years I am feeling whole again!
Lastly, I learned that sharing my story helps. There are so many people who keep their story private and although I know my personality is more extroverted, I had many people either go get checked or ask more questions or do more to advocate for themselves because I was so open. I will always tell my story loud and proud because I know it helped other women go for a mammogram, self-check or even ask the embarrassing questions about a mastectomy. I always smiled when someone came knocking at my office door or I got a call from a friend asking if their friend or family member could call and talk to me. Why did I go through it all if I can’t help even one other person?
Here is advice that I would give to someone who just received a diagnosis:
- Be positive and surround yourself with equally positive people.
- Don’t cry in your room, go out and walk and exercise.
- Don’t go to sleep when you get home from chemo, make dinner, or sit on the couch with a wonderful person in your life (spouse, child, friend) and hold their hand.
- Laugh! When I was first diagnosed, I looked at the dumbest, comedic shirts about breast cancer – no one else thought it was funny, but it cracked me up (and that’s all that matters).
Having cancer has changed my outlook on life. I hope that I am a softer, kinder, and funnier soul because of it. When I see angry or mean people, I feel bad for them. You can go one of two ways when life hands you lemons – you can either be bitter or you can make lemonade. I chose to make lemonade.
The constant support I had from my mom, dad, stepparents, family and closest friends gave me strength during treatment. I appreciated the calls or texts or social media posts I got from my close circle or even the circle I hadn’t seen in years. I was so grateful for the friends and family who cared for my kids when I couldn’t be there for them. Most important, my strength came from my boys and knowing there was zero chance I was not going to be here to watch them grow up! I gain strength more and more each day knowing I am able to be here to watch them grow from boys to men.
Aside from surrounding yourself with positivity and wonderful friends and family, I didn’t have support from women similar to me. I had a lovely woman speak to me after my mastectomy, but she was 30 years older than me and had grandchildren and although a survivor, I felt no connection because she went through it so late in life. She had gone through it with grandchildren, and I was here hoping I would be around for my 10- and 7-year-olds. It wasn’t relatable. That is why I am so passionate about telling my story to others. I was 38, working full-time, 2 young boys, aggressive surgery and treatment and I didn’t have someone to help lead the way and give me guidance and that’s why I like to do it for others.
